Say What you Mean and Mean What You Say with Guest Blogger: Kat Duncan

Welcome back, my dear readers and writers!   We've got a special treat for you today! 

Ms. Kat Duncan is visiting the blog to share some insights into crafting a well-structured sentence that'll help you 'Say what you mean and mean what you say'. 

And yeah, if you can't tell by the italics and bold emphasis that I added to the tagline for this post, then let me clear up any misunderstandings by saying that this is a pet peeve that I share with my author. Why? Well, it has everything to do with how you transfer information from one person's imagination/mind to another person's mind/imagination. And that method of transfer in the writer's world is... the written word. But does that really tell you why it's our pet peeve? Nope. But perhaps this will. 

My author is smart (--way smarter than even she realizes she is, but don't tell her I said that because I'll never hear the end of it). Her brain is chocked full of stuff-and-nonsense that makes her a sure bet when playing Jeopardy-For-Drinks.  So when someone leaves a dangling participle, she's gonna naturally fill in the blank with something totally inappropriate. (Why? Because she can. Hey, you (the metaphorical you , that is) left it dangling. She's just having fun. For me, the muse, it's torture and conjures up images that... are usually better left never have been had.) And if that doesn't convince you, then consider this: If you use a this when you should have used a that, then she's gonna match that that up with the other thing over there and totally skew your intent. (Why? Because she can and it's fun to play with other people's words.)  So for the love of all that is good and kind in this world, I am begging you to read what Ms. Duncan has to say and pay it forward by saving this muse from the brink of insanity by writing sentences that... say what you mean and mean what you say.

And now without further psychobabbling, I give you... Ms. Kat Duncan! 

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Give me your tired, your poorly-written sentences...

Sometimes when we draft we're so focused on getting words onto the page we don't realize what we've written doesn't quite make sense. With any luck a CP, agent or editor will catch these snags before they get to readers. If not, then it's worth reading these examples and fixes to see if your sentences are too tired emigrating from your brain to the page to be completely coherent.

What Does "It" Refer To?

Judy had been up all night studying the Wilcox Constitution and she looked like it.
This sentence makes it sound as if Judy looks like the constitution. 

To clarify what "it" refers to here's the classic fix: 

Judy looked as if she'd been up all night studying the Wilcox Constitution.

Mangled Modifiers

Well-hidden and tough to find if you didn't already know it was there, Shelly probably thought he had some valuables stashed there.
This sentence makes it sound as if Shelly is well-hidden and tough to find, but the sentence also has "it" to add to the confusion. Plus, "there" is so non-specific that it really throws the reader for a loop. 

This fix really calls for two sentences:

The compartment was well-hidden and tough to find if you didn't already know it was there. Shelly probably thought it was a place he'd stashed some valuables.

Verbal Abuse

When she caught up with Jason again, he was in big trouble.
This sentence has a timing issue. "When she caught up" refers to the future. "he was" refers to the past. So which is it? 

The classic fix:

When she caught up with Jason again, he was going to be in big trouble.

Questionable Questions

What have you gotten yourself into and dragged me along with you?
This sentence tries to make a question out of "what have you gotten yourself into" and "what have you dragged me into", but the combination of ideas plus the formation of a question make it difficult to sort out. The fix (if you really insist on keeping it as a single sentence):

What have you gotten yourself into and how did you drag me in along with you?

Hold Your Clauses

The growling in Anna's gut, that signaled hunger, began to rumble.
This sentence tries to mash too many modifiers into one sentence. The true solution here is to make two sentences, but if you're willing to restructure, then this could work:

Anna's gut began to rumble and growl, signaling her hunger.

Awkward Acoustics

Shouting rang across the open meadow and jerked Molly from her thoughts.
The flow of this sentence makes it awkward because the movement of "shouting ringing across the open meadow" makes the reader focus away but the "and jerked" is focused internally in Molly at the same time. Here's a fix that makes it clear that one happened before the other:

The shouting that rang across the meadow jerked Molly from her thoughts.

Timing Confusion

When she woke up from her nap it was with a strange mixture of astonishment and distress to find him gone.
This sentence is similar to the previous one because it tries to mesh the past "it was with", present "when she woke up" and future-ish "to find him". The fix:

When she woke up from her nap and found him gone, she experienced a strange mixture of astonishment and distress.

Send me your tempest-tossed sentences and I will try to help you "fix" them...or join me for a year-long novel-writing course at Savvy Authors. You can find me on the web at http://www.katduncan.net.

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Thanks, Kat, for stopping by and giving us a glimpse of what you'll be offering during your year-long course at Savvy Authors!  The blog is now open for comments. So if any readers or writers out there have a question or comment for Kat, then post away!  

And as always... thanks for stopping by and have a great day. ;o)

Until next time...

~EK